Entitlement: The Ugly Truth of a Beautiful Lie

I’ll never forget the day I sat on the front porch of our Missouri home, reeling from the news that my husband’s job was going away.  It had already been decided and there was nothing I could do about it.  Panic set in as my world began to spin out of control and fear held a death grip on my heart. 

I began to cry out to God, and it is in that precise moment that I heard it.  A whisper ever so faint, yet oh so bold that it couldn’t be denied.  “This is a gift.”  Instantly, I was filled with hope because I knew Whose voice was behind that whisper.  Only the Holy Spirit would say something so bold in the midst of such disaster.  However, there was nothing about this situation that looked anything like a gift through my earthly eyes.  

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:18

I wish I could say that I remained faith-filled and grateful as the days went on, but that was not the case.  As events began to unfold and a new job was offered several states away, requiring much change and sacrifice, I came to resent this “gift” God had given me.  I found myself wishing I had a gift receipt, so I could return it for a full refund.  Can you relate?   

When I look back on that time, it’s a humbling realization that I reacted this way about a gift from my heavenly Father, but, instead of beating myself up about it, I decided to look for the lesson in it.  God was not surprised by my reaction to His gift, so what was He trying to teach me through this experience?

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.  James 1:17

Over the past year I have meditated on the verse above many times, asking God to help me see the gift through His eyes, and to believe that it IS good and perfect for my life.  It’s been a process but, I believe He is leading me to the answer I so desperately desire.   

Before this encounter with God, I never really considered a connection between my own issues with entitlement and that of my children. Teaching gratefulness had always been a priority for me, but, after our move, I began to panic as I saw a drastic change in my kids' behavior and entitlement was at the core of the problem.  Where was this coming from?

As I prayed for answers, God slowly and gently began to peel back the layers that exposed my own feelings of entitlement, and what I saw wasn’t pretty.  I had totally bought into the world’s beautifully concocted lie that I deserved better, that I had sacrificed and suffered enough, that somehow, at least for a little while, I was entitled to a break from the trials of this life.   

I had placed my comfort above my Jesus, and that was the first thing that had to change.  If I ever wanted to teach my kids to be grateful, I had to start modeling gratefulness in my own life.

As my eyes were opened further, I saw a second part to what God was teaching me through this experience.  Just like I want my kids to follow my example, God was leading me to follow His.   

When I reacted to God with ungratefulness over the gift He presented me and spent the better part of a year wishing I could return it, He responded with grace, patience and unconditional love.  Although He allowed me to experience some natural consequences of my actions, He was always there encouraging me and believing in me, even when I didn’t believe in myself.  He never gave up on me and that kind of love and grace changes hearts.   

God used my ungratefulness to model for me a beautiful example of how to respond to my kids the next time I see entitlement rearing its ugly head.  What a good and perfect gift, indeed! 
   
If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!  Matthew 7:11

Because this is a subject near and dear to my heart, I am always seeking wonderful, applicable resources to add to my parenting arsenal, and I have found just the one!  Author and Blogger, Kristen Welch, over at We Are THAT Family, has written a real, practical, groundbreaking book called Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World.  If you, like me, struggle with contentment in the here and now and want to see your kids set free from the entitlement trap, this is a must-read that you can refer to again and again for years to come! You can snag your copy today at raisinggratefulkids.com or find it at major retailers when it releases on January 26^th!

If you enjoyed this post and want to read more about what gratitude looks like in the lives of others, you will want to check out the #RaisingGratefulKids Blog Hop!!  Just scroll down and follow the links to more blog posts about gratefulness.  There is SO much good stuff here, y'all!!  You don't want to miss it!

Inspiring an Attitude of Gratitude - by  Alison
Raising Grateful Kids - by amanda
Why You Can't Buy Gratitude At The Dollar Store - by Andrea
Missing - Gratefulness in our home - by Ange
Choosing Gratitude - by Angela
Gratefullness - by chaley
5 Steps to Gratitude-Fille Family - by Christa
Practicing Grateful Parenting - by Dana
Sing a Song - by Hannah
Cultivating gratitude in our family - by Jamie
Gratefulness In Our Home - by Jana
Let It Begin With Me - by Jen
Choosing Gratefulness - by Jennifer
Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World - The Book - by jeri
Eradicating Entitlement - What are you rooted in? - by Jessica
Gratefulness in our home - by Kate
The Problem With Entitlement is that it begins with us - by Katelyn
7 Unusual Ways I Know How to Be Grateful - by Kathryn
Raising Grateful Kids - by Keri
How My Children Remind Me to Pray with Gratitude - by Kishona
Grateful - by Kristy
Entitlement: The Ugly Truth of a Beautiful Lie - by Leigha
The Most Important Thing You Can Do To Raise Grateful Kids - by Lindsey
Dear Son: How Do I Teach You To Be Grateful Without Guilt? - by Marie Osborne
Gratitude, A Practical Definition - by Mia
Cultivating Gratitude in Our Home - by Nancy
Learning Gratitude through Chronic Illness - by Rachel
Being Grateful - by Rebecca
I've Found Something I Can't Live Without - by Sarah
The Power of Naming our Gifts - by Sarah
Outfitted - by Sarah Jo
Growing Gratitude in our Family - by Sondra
Teaching Gratefulness - by Stephanie
How Grateful Looks From Here - by Alison
Fighting Entitlement in Children and All of us - by Leah
Entitlement Problem - by Karrie
Grateful Today - by Krystal

An Unexpected Encounter

We stood in the checkout line at Lowes.  The kids grew tired of the wait and went to sit on a nearby bench. That is when I looked up and saw him coming toward me.  As my eyes met his, I noticed a kind of calm urgency displayed on his face as he reached out his hand to grab hold of our cart.  He wanted to be discrete, to not cause a scene.  He needed my help.  He was weak and out-of-breath.  His cane quaked beneath him with each step and I quickly moved the cart toward him for support and we walked, the cart between us, to the bench where my kids were perched.  I asked them to get up, so he could sit, and, of course, he told them he didn't want them to move on account of him.  But, my look quickly told them otherwise, and thank goodness for those mama looks!  I had seen this kind of desperate need for rest before, heard the rapid, gasping breaths of a man seeking a place to sit his aching body before it collapsed.  He didn't need to say a thing because I recognized this dance.  I had it done so many times before with my own grandfather, another proud man who suffered silently and never wanted to draw attention to his need for help.  God knew I would see this man, notice his need.  It was a divine encounter.  I am sure of it.

As he sat down and caught his breath, he thanked me for my help and told me that he just needed to sit for minute, that his old ticker just wouldn't let him go too far anymore without stopping for a rest.  He needed a riding cart and they were all taken, so he had to wait.  So, there we sat, making small talk for a few minutes.  And, let me just tell you that I stink at small talk, so the whole time in my head I am praying, "God, I believe this man is here for a reason and that I am supposed to talk to him.  Please help me know what to say."  It was then that I noticed his hat, which proudly displayed the word VETERAN across it. "I see that you are a Veteran," I said.  "Thank you so much for your service to our country."  He nodded his head in acknowledgment.  In my curiosity, I continued, "Where all were you stationed?"  At first, I thought he hadn't heard me and I was about to repeat the question, but as I looked a little closer, I noticed his bottom lip was quivering.  My heart sank as he removed his glasses to wipe away the tears.

I could never have prepared myself for what he was going to say next.  Just hearing his words shook me to the core.  I can't imagine living through it.  He began, his voice quivering, "I went places I didn't want to go, saw things I didn't want to see and did things I didn't want to do.  If the American people only knew." He shared with me how he had been what was referred to as a "Tunnel Rat" in Vietnam.  His job was to crawl through underground tunnels, about 3 feet in diameter, with nothing but a knife and kill enemy soldiers who lay in wait for him.  He stood up for this next part, to protect the innocent ears of my children, and said quietly, "It was you against them, survival of the fittest, a fight to the death.  Then, when you killed one, you had to tie a rope around their neck and drag them out the other side.  After you got them out, you had to continue on into the next tunnel and do it all over again.  Just imagine climbing over dead bodies and even having them dragged over you.  How does a person ever get over that?"  I swallowed hard and shook my head, "I can't even imagine", was all I could manage to eek out.  To which he replied, "Well, I can imagine, but I still can't wrap my head around it, and I lived it.  Then we came home with our country mad at us, and they couldn't understand why men were beating their wives and acting crazy.  If they only knew."  Now there were two of us standing there with aching hearts, longing for rest, but of a different kind.  A rest for our souls, from the weariness, the pain, the cruelty of this world.

As Bobby searched for a riding cart to relieve this man's aching body, I searched for words to soothe his aching soul.  "Help me God.  What do I say?", I whispered in my heart.  But, it wasn't about talking.  It was all about listening.  This man was desperate to be seen, to be heard, for someone to know his story.  To know that it all still mattered, what he had been forced to live through all those years ago, in the name of freedom.  It was a sacrifice like no other, because, although his physical body came home alive and free, his mind, even today, is still being held captive in a prison that he will never escape this side of eternity. Mine and your freedom cost him his.  The prison of his mind flashes images that he can never stop seeing no matter how hard he tries, like a never-ending reel of an old horror film.  But what did it matter?  Does anyone even care?  Has my life even mattered at all?  I believe these are just a few of the questions this man was wrestling with that day, as his body was failing him and his heart was sick with memories past.  And, I believe that God drew my attention to his hat because He wanted him to know that, yes, it all mattered very much.  While I was desperately searching for words to fill the silence, God knew this man NEEDED to hear someone say "Thank you for your service to our country" because he was feeling like none of it even mattered at all.  But, it does. It matters more than he will ever know.

I am so very grateful that God gave me the opportunity to have this brief encounter with a man who fought for my freedom, who gave it all, so my children can hang out safe and sound on a bench in Lowes while we check out, without a care in the world.  Because he sacrificed it all, just like so many other brave men and women, we get to live free, and I am forever grateful.  No matter what war he fought in, this man is a HERO because he laid down his life for us all.  After all, God's very Word says, "Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:13)  And, the good news in all of this?  This story already has a happy ending because this man knows Jesus is his Savior and shared with me the HOPE that is to come.  Tapping his chest where his weary heart resides, he said with a smile, "But it'll all be over soon and I'll get to go home and be with my Father.  It won't be long now."  Typing this I am reminded of Hebrews 6:19 that says, "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure." Oh, sweet hope!  Here is a man who has survived unthinkable things, who is now trapped in a body that is failing him with a mind that won't let him forget. Yet through it all, he clings to his faith and the hope he has in Jesus.  A beautiful example that by keeping our perspective eternal, we keep hope alive, no matter our circumstances.

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." (Psalm 73.26)

We never did find that riding cart, but no matter, because it was never about his aching body anyway...

An Unlikely Assignment

As I stood in my kitchen chopping vegetables to go with my breakfast, I heard it, "No eye has seen. No ear has heard."  I paused for a moment.  I knew this was part of a verse in the Bible, although I wasn't sure exactly which one.  It seemed to make no sense because I was praying for confirmation to something I had sensed God laying on my heart earlier.  Something that was invigorating and exciting when it came to me, but with each passing moment was slowly starting to sound ridiculous.  Does that ever happen to you?  I can be so certain about something and then suddenly doubt and uncertainty start to creep in and I need God's confirmation that the idea was indeed from Him and not of my own making.  I dismissed the seemingly insignificant verse and continued to mull over the thoughts that had filled my head and my heart during my quiet time earlier that morning.  I finished my last bite of egg and returned to the place where I perch when I am conversing with God.  I asked again, "God, please give me confirmation that this idea is from you and not from me."  I thought to myself, surely He would answer me before my day grew hectic!  Suddenly, there it was again, even clearer than before..."No eye has seen.  No ear has heard."  Okay, so it totally didn't make sense to me, but this time I knew I was to pay attention.  Anytime a verse comes to me from out of nowhere, especially when it is repeated a second time, it is most definitely something I am supposed to look into further.  How could this verse possibly be the answer to what I was seeking?  It seemed to make no sense at all!

No eye has seen,
no ear has heard,
no mind has conceived
what God has prepared for those who love him. (1 Cor. 2:9)

Just moments later, I was blown away as I read both before and after the words God had spoken to me.  It was from 1 Corinthians 2, a chapter all about the wisdom of the Holy Spirit, which fit EXACTLY with the assignment I had sensed God lay on my heart earlier!  This was indeed the confirmation I was asking for!  I had suddenly been flooded earlier that morning with thoughts of a 30-Day Challenge.  But not the kind you are thinking.  You know the ones...30-Day Squat and Plank Challenges, 30-Day Get-Your-Finances-In-Order Challenges, 30-Clean Eating Challenges, and the list goes on.  30-Day Challenges are all the rage these days, but the kind of 30-Day Challenge I sensed God was asking me to do was very different from any of the ones I listed above.  You see, 30-Day Challenges were designed to help give us control to change something about ourselves in 30 days.  But God, He wasn't asking me to control something.  He was challenging me to give HIM (through His Holy Spirit within me) complete control for 30 days and see what He is capable of.  I gotta tell you that even typing those words makes this recovering control freak very uncomfortable, but I know I am going to accept the challenge.  I am choosing to say YES to God!  So, for 30 days, starting today, I am going to wake up every morning and ask God to show me my assignment for the day.  Who can I help?  How can I be His hands and feet in my ordinary, everyday life?  Help me to see people through His eyes and pour out His great compassion on them, whether strangers, family or friends. Whoever He leads me to, I know He wants them to know they were personally chosen by the God of the Universe, Who sees them, knows them intimately, and cares deeply for them.  I am both excited and scared to death, but I cannot say no to the God who has heard my cry and delivered me from all my fears again and again.  He takes my breath away and I am beyond excited (and terrified) to be a vessel used for His glory these next 30 days!  He will make me BRAVE!  So, let the adventure begin!

Oh, and as if I needed even more confirmation (Which, being the sheep I am, I totally do!), I am currently reading the book, Restless:  Because You Were Made for More, by Jennie Allen, which I highly recommend, by the way.  I received it in the mail the very same evening after the Holy Spirit whispered 1 Corinthians 2:9 to my heart.  The next day, as I was finishing up chapter 5, very appropriately titled 'Uncertainties' I might add, I almost dropped the book!  Yep, THIS on page 43! Oh. My. Word.

God is most definitely speaking loud and clear.  I just LOVE it when He does that!!! Now it's time for me to seek Him, listen and obey.  I can't wait to see what He's up to!  Until next time...

We're BAa-aaCK!!! And we've moved...again!!

Okay, so let's try this blog thing again and see if I can keep up with it a little better than last time! :) We just moved...AGAIN, this time to West Virginia.  If this moving thing keeps up, I think I will need to buy our family one of those maps to hang on the wall and put push-pins in it to mark all the places we've lived.  Hey, on a positive note, then my kids will be REALLY good at Geography! ;) Apparently, the Lord thought this small-town Texas girl needed some more adventure in her life, so here I am...living in a hotel with 2 cats, 2 kids and my hubby while we search for a house in small-town West Virginia.  If that's not an adventure, I don't know what is!

This move was very different from the last in that it required some BIG sacrifices and involved the emotions of my children, making it all the more difficult.  The tears of our kids can make us mamas have some crazy emotions, the kind that can make you want to do just about ANYTHING to take their pain away, like...say...taking your house off the market and refusing to leave!  (I was truly tempted MANY times, like the night they both offered to give me their piggy banks to help buy the house back so we could PLEASE just not move!!!) BUT, through much prayer and petition, God made it abundantly clear to me that I was not to try to stop all this painful change from happening.  I was to hold His hand and the hands of my husband and children and walk right through it...together.

You see, early on in this season of change, as I cried out to God for Him to rescue us, He whispered to my heart very clearly, Exodus 14:14, "The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still."  It's from when Moses had led the Israelites out of Egypt and they were standing at the Red Sea about to be slaughtered by Pharaoh's army.  It was in that moment that they thought there was no way out and that they were surely going to die.  They wondered if they had made a mistake by leaving their home in Egypt.  They began to question God and their anger burned against Moses for ever bringing them out of Egypt to begin with.  It was in this moment of intense doubt and fear that God instructed Moses to lower his staff to the water.  As he did, the Red Sea parted and made a way of escape for the Israelites. He came to their rescue but He required 2 things before He did: FAITH and OBEDIENCE.  Moses had to use his staff and he had to believe before deliverance took place.

I believe this is what God is doing for our family right now and that is why He brought this verse to me.  He knew that, just like the Israelites, we would question and be filled with doubt along the way.  Things like, "Why???  It doesn't make sense to us that we were to leave the life we had built in Missouri with a wonderful church home, a great house and schools, friends and neighbors that were second-to-none. Really??? To come HERE??  To THIS place???  Are you SURE, God??"  Many times along the way we have felt like we are trapped, like our backs are against the wall and there is no way out of all this yuck and muck and EVERY time, right when we think we are surely done for, God makes a way.

He has provided an amazing job for Bobby, one that is "immeasurably more than anything we could have ever asked or imagined" (Ephesians 3:20). The timing perfectly coincided with the end of our severance package from the previous job, so we didn't have to struggle to pay our bills. He sold our house in Missouri in 6 days, has provided a hotel room with separate bedrooms for us and the kids within 3 days of our arrival, when we had been told it would be at least a month before one became available, said hotel room has been completely paid for by Bobby's company (HUGE praise!!!), our kids got into the school we wanted but had been told they wouldn't be able to attend...the list goes on...  He is most definitely fighting for us!  The hardest part is being still.  Most of what has taken place in the last 3 months has left us standing in awe of our mighty God, our Savior and King!  We have no idea what lies ahead of us, but one thing we know for sure is it's going to be for our good and His glory!

I find such comfort and hope when I remember all these things God has done, as once again our backs are against the wall and we feel trapped with no way out.  We haven't been able to find a home here.  Prices are ridiculous and the houses often need A LOT of TLC.  As I type this, I have just been informed that there are no hotel rooms available here for November. But we are trusting in God that He will once again make a way.  He ALWAYS keeps His promises!

Hebrews 10:23  "We will hold unswervingly to the hope we have professed; for He who promised is faithful."

Until next time...

The Perfect Time of Year for Kite Flying!

Our little man just got a new kite, so, of course, we had to get some action shots of him flying it!  Anyone who knows him knows about his infatuation with fighter jets, so when we saw this kite, we knew it was 'the one'.  It has been quite breezy around here lately, so it has been perfect for kite flying!  Here he is making it soar!

Our Recent Adventure at the Butterfly Garden

Bobby heard about a butterfly garden not too far away, so we decided to take a day trip and go visit it!  We were definitely NOT disappointed!  It was AMAZING!  Here are a few of the pics we took during our visit.

The butterfly statue out front of the sanctuary.

All the different kinds of butterflies...

WOW!  There are SOOO many!

The butterflies were beautiful, but I also LOVED the orchids!

Daddy posing with the two kiddos!

This was an AWESOME experience for our little man!

Baby girl 'CHEESING' for the camera!  She is getting so big!

The butterflies chowing down on some yummy bananas!

One tried to escape by hitching a ride on my back as we were leaving!

What an amazing time we had looking at all the butterflies and beautiful foliage in the garden!  This will definitely be something we will do again in the future!

Out of the Mouths of Babes...

This made me crack up and I just had to share it.  A few minutes ago, as the kids were finishing up their baths, Neil got out first and came into talk to me.  As we finished our conversation, he headed to his room to get his pj's on.  In the meantime, Ella and Bobby were walking out of the bathroom.  As Neil passed by them I heard him say, "Look at you looking like Jesus!".  It was so random that it quickly peaked my curiosity.  When Ella walked into my view, it all came together in my head and I just had to get a picture so you could see it, too, and fully appreciate Neil's comment.  I hope it gives you as good a giggle as it did me!  This is what he saw...

It must be the "robe"! ;)

A Magical Trip to The Magic House!

We finally went and saw what all the fuss was about!  Everyone here talks about The Magic House, St. Louis' version of the awe-inspiring Houston Children's Museum, and it definitely did not disappoint!  We had a wonderful time, as the pictures will attest.  We went kind of late in the day and got an AWESOME discount because of it, I might add! ;)  So we probably only got through about half of what the museum has to offer, but, with two little ones, it was more than enough excitement for one day!  We plan to go back sometime and finish exploring the rest of it.  I think it will be a lot more fun when Ella is just a bit older and can enjoy it more.  Here are the pics and a video of one of Neil's favorite areas we visited.

The Magic House is featuring a Bob the Builder exhibit until May.  A couple of years ago, Neil would have been thrilled about this, but, sadly, he has pretty much outgrown the Bob the Builder stage and was eager to move on to the next thing.  He did, however, amuse his mommy by pretending to drive a few of the characters before we left the exhibit, so I could get some pics.  Doesn't he look excited?! ;)  I can't believe how much my little boy is growing up!

Our little princess has taken her position in her favorite place in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD!

A piano that makes bubbles to the music...Neil was in awe!

Neil learning how to work a pulley to lift himself up.

Playing in the water.

Finally, a place for Ella to play!

She LOVED the balls!

Of course, Neil had to check out the automotive repair shop!

Daddy teaching Neil about conductors and insulators...yes, I got that off the sign in the pic! ;)  It has something to do with batteries and light bulbs and that's about all I know.  Bobby, on the other hand, loves this kind of stuff and had a great time showing Neil how it all works.

Neil flipping switches to see what happens.

The bubble room was COOL!!!  Can you see the giant bubble Neil and Bobby are making???!!

This is a 3-story winding slide and Neil ran the stairs to do it 3 times.  He loved it so much!  I SO wanted to try it, but grown-ups aren't allowed.  I SERIOUSLY think they need to rethink that rule! ;)

The model train room!

Neil checking out the awesome model train!

Don't really know what to call this...you can climb it from one floor to another. 

Neil spinning the wheel to make music!

We truly had a phenomenal time and look forward to going back soon, maybe in the summer sometime.  And now for the video I mentioned above, so you can see a snippet of the action!

A Large Feat for Our Little Guy!

I am about a month late in posting this exciting news, but here goes anyway!  Back in January, our little Neil started riding his bike without training wheels!  It was such an exciting day!  Here is a video I took of him after about half an hour of practicing.  I just LOVE the little dance he does at the end!  He was so very proud of himself.  It's childhood at it's best!  ENJOY!!!!!

Another Snowy Day and a Visit to Daddy's Work!

Here are the pics that will REALLY give you a good idea of the crazy amount of snow we have gotten here this winter!  The kids and I went up to the business one day, so I could help Bobby clean.  We had some yummy pizza for lunch and, luckily, I had packed the kids' snow bibs and other warm snow gear, so they could play in the snow for a while before we left.  It was such a blast!

Here we are at Daddy's work!

Time to play in the snow!  Poor sister could barely stand in it it was so high!

WOW!  That's one BIG pile of snow!!!!!

Neil showing Ella how to make a snowball!

After playing in the snow, we headed in for some warm, gooey pizza!  YUM!!!

Sister is ready for some grub!

Ella taking a bite of pizza.

LOVE the pizza sauce on her face in this pic!

Here is our Neil trying to give his best "Mr. Attitude" look for the camera.

Again with the look...can anyone say ornery?!!!

Zipping up to go back out in the snow!

We had such a great time and the office floors got a much needed cleaning with all the yucky snow, sand and salt being tracked in each day!  The kids have really enjoyed all the snow we have had.  In fact, we are thinking of getting them sleds for next year.  There is a great sledding spot just up the street from our apartment complex that we really want to check out!  We always see it packed with people after each snow...SO FUN!!